Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Why is it when Ben goes out of town my life falls apart? That's the kind of week I'm having and it's only Tuesday! Ben is in Germany for 8 days and I'm actually really happy for him. I can't wait to see what he brings me! Something happened yesterday that completely blindsided me and kind of rocked my world. I won't name names or go into details but a friend found out something that I did and without knowing my intention decided not to be my friend anymore. Just like that. Even after explaining myself it didn't matter. My intentions were completely innocent by the way but she or her husband just don't care. She also told me that she has "needed some distance" from me for a while because of other things that I have done to offend her. She won't tell me those things either which I think is pretty spineless. Accussing someone of offending you multiple times but not telling them what is so immature. This is someone who I considered one of my best friends here, someone I've been very close friends with for 2 years. How can you just throw away a friendship like that? I truly have done nothing to her. In fact, I've been a darn good friend to her and have a completely clear conscience of anything pertaining to her. I love her and care about her still but I am angry. I am angry that I trusted her and told her things about my personal life that no one else knows. I also feel like a fool for thinking that we were friends and inviting them over, hanging out, etc all the while she is thinking she doesn't want anything to do with me. She should get an Academy award for acting like my friend because she did a great job at it. I know of 2 more people that think they are her friend but behind their back she has told me that she can't stand them. I never thought I'd be "one of those friends" to her. Of all of my friends here she is the last one that I'd ever think to have drama with. I am so hurt and now wonder who she has talked to about me and who is really my friend here. If she can do this to me then who else? I know of one other family that they have involved and now I'm here to wonder who else she has gossiped to about me. I just can't stand to think that I am being accused of something that I didn't do. I have to go to church with all of these people too which should be fun. I am shocked that as close as we are, she didn't give me the benefit of the doubt. If you really care about and respect someone you should. You never know people's true intentions or what they are going through in their private lives. I have a very dear and wise friend here that I called bawling yesterday. She came straight to my house, brought me ice cream, talked, cried with me, and helped me put the kids to bed. It's hard to find people like her who see you as you are and love you without judgment. She has lots of life experience too and had lots of great advice to give. I cried so much yesterday evening that I gave myself a migraine. I swear when we move I am not making any friends! I have family there and I think I'll just stick with that. Seriously, I have had more drama living here than in any other place. I think that because I have had so much real, legitimate drama in my life with my mother that these things that people get so upset over are so trivial to me. Don't sweat the small stuff people! It makes me think "these people don't know what being hurt really is." I had an extremely traumatic childhood which I struggle everyday to get past so this is all just nonsense to me. It baffles me what people get offended over. These people let these tiny things ruin friendships which is just sad. It feels good to write this all down so thanks for reading and letting me vent. Hopefully my week will get better from here.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Ok, so it wasn't our FIRST camping trip but it was our first time camping alone as a family. We tent camped too! We went to the Redondo campground in the Jemez Mountains about an hour away. You learn a lot on your first solo camping trip, at least we did. First pack warm clothes, hats, gloves, etc. even if you don't think it will be cold enough for them. The weather report said it would be 50 at the lowest. Wrong! It got down to 35 and we only brought light jackets. Crappy parent award for us! The kids were so whiny Saturday morning when they woke up freezing. I had slept beside Meredith and she woke me up at least 10 times saying she was freezing even though I did everything I could to keep her warm. These kids don't know what it's like to be uncomfortably cold! We'd tell them to stand by the fire and the girls would say "But it's too smoky!" There was nothing we could do to calm Meredith down either. Or so we thought. Finally she was being so bad that Ben put her in time out...in the sun. Genius. She calmed down and we ended up having a wonderful day! We also forgot some things like a can opener, broom/dust pan (for tent) and hot chocolate. How could we forget that? It is kind of sad that this was our only and last chance to camp here in New Mexico. I wish we would have done it sooner! Now that we've experienced our first solo camping trip I can foresee many more to come, though. Hopefully more in Ben's parent's trailer than the tent but now I know we can survive this way :) Here are some of my favorite pictures of our trip.