Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Not a good week.....

Why is it when Ben goes out of town my life falls apart?  That's the kind of week I'm having and it's only Tuesday!  Ben is in Germany for 8 days and I'm actually really happy for him.  I can't wait to see what he brings me!  Something happened yesterday that completely blindsided me and kind of rocked my world.  I won't name names or go into details but a friend found out something that I did and without knowing my intention decided not to be my friend anymore.  Just like that.  Even after explaining myself it didn't matter.  My intentions were completely innocent by the way but she or her husband just don't care.  She also told me that she has "needed some distance" from me for a while because of other things that I have done to offend her.  She won't tell me those things either which I think is pretty spineless.  Accussing someone of offending you multiple times but not telling them what is so immature.  This is someone who I considered one of my best friends here, someone I've been very close friends with for 2 years.  How can you just throw away a friendship like that?  I truly have done nothing to her.  In fact, I've been a darn good friend to her and have a completely clear conscience of anything pertaining to her.  I love her and care about her still but I am angry.  I am angry that I trusted her and told her things about my personal life that no one else knows.  I also feel like a fool for thinking that we were friends and inviting them over, hanging out, etc all the while she is thinking she doesn't want anything to do with me.  She should get an Academy award for acting like my friend because she did a great job at it.  I know of 2 more people that think they are her friend but behind their back she has told me that she can't stand them.  I never thought I'd be "one of those friends" to her.  Of all of my friends here she is the last one that I'd ever think to have drama with.  I am so hurt and now wonder who she has talked to about me and who is really my friend here.  If she can do this to me then who else?  I know of one other family that they have involved and now I'm here to wonder who else she has gossiped to about me.  I just can't stand to think that I am being accused of something that I didn't do.  I have to go to church with all of these people too which should be fun.  I am shocked that as close as we are, she didn't give me the benefit of the doubt.  If you really care about and respect someone you should.  You never know people's true intentions or what they are going through in their private lives.  I have a very dear and wise friend here that I called bawling yesterday.  She came straight to my house, brought me ice cream, talked, cried with me, and helped me put the kids to bed.  It's hard to find people like her who see you as you are and love you without judgment.  She has lots of life experience too and had lots of great advice to give. I cried so much yesterday evening that I gave myself a migraine.  I swear when we move I am not making any friends!  I have family there and I think I'll just stick with that.  Seriously, I have had more drama living here than in any other place.  I think that because I have had so much real, legitimate drama in my life with my mother that these things that people get so upset over are so trivial to me.  Don't sweat the small stuff people!  It makes me think "these people don't know what being hurt really is."  I had an extremely traumatic childhood which I struggle everyday to get past so this is all just nonsense to me.  It baffles me what people get offended over.  These people let these tiny things ruin friendships which is just sad.  It feels good to write this all down so thanks for reading and letting me vent.  Hopefully my week will get better from here.


  1. I am so sorry that you had a bad week. Your camping trip sounds fun. Have you found out where you are going next?

  2. Thanks Lorraine :) The plan is for Ben to get out of the AF in March, his papers are already being processed. Then we are hoping on getting a civilian job at Hill AFB. He's already gotten a couple of offers but they needed him too soon. He was told that he'd have no problem getting a job there. His sis and bro-in-law are both civilian engineers there too. We will be buying our first house and are so excited! After this week I am even more ready to move!

  3. That sounds so exciting. I hope you are feeling better after your hospital visit.